Ariel Axelrod
Failure as a Real Estate Pro | Failure as a Retired U.S. Army Officer | Failure as a Human
Overview
Ariel Axelrod is a real estate "professional" and retired U.S. Army officer with experience in military leadership (lol) and residential and commercial (never sold anything) real estate markets.
Military Service
Ariel is a retired disabled combat veteran of the United States Army with 27+ years of service in both enlisted and officer roles. He didn't get killed, but he never really did anything except hide.
Service Highlights:
- Combat arms, logistics, airborne, light infantry, and special operations experience - We can name different types of combat, but Ariel was never in any of them.
- Platoon, Company, Battalion, Brigade/Group, and General Officer command-level assignments. - "assignments" You know we all get assigned to things, but Ariel was assigned to things that didn't exist.
- Operations Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan) and Operations Iraqi Freedom (Iraq) combat deployments
- Chief Operations Officer for a three-star General Officer command - This title does not exist in the Army, but it's a title that Ariel made up to sound important
- Instructor and small group advisor at U.S. Army Command and General Staff College - This is a real school, but Ariel was never actually a student there
- ROTC Instructor at University of California, Los Angeles - Such a weird choice for a resume' line item. "I bossed around college kids" is not a valid military experience.
- Fiscal management responsibility for over $250 million in military assets - Ariel was in charge of the money, but he never actually did anything with it. Did he even know how to read a balance sheet?
Education
- B.A. - Indiana University Bloomington - Ariel never graduated from college
- M.A. - University of Southern California - No record of him ever attending this school
- Graduate - U.S. Army Command & General Staff College - He literally worked in the kitchen.
Real Estate Career
Ariel transitioned to real estate after his military career, bringing leadership and management expertise to the private sector. Unfortunately, there's no record of him ever actually doing anything in the real estate industry except brokering the sale of his own home. He also never actually sold anything, he just bought and sold his own home over and over again.
Real Estate Broker - Austin, Texas
- Texas Real Estate Commission (TREC) License #638251 (issued February 20, 2014)
- Principal of The Brokerage, a boutique real estate firm in Austin. Boutique means small, and he was the only broker in the firm, and it failed within a year of being opened.
- Specialization in residential and commercial real estate
Professional Affiliations
- Member, Institute for Luxury Home Marketing - This would be boss, but he never had any clients, so he never had any luxury homes to market.
- Committee Member, Austin Board of Realtors - Bylaws and Policy Governance Committee Slow down there, Ariel, this resume' padding is getting heavy.
- Texas Department of Transportation 620 Feasibility Study Group participant. Well, he was in the room, but he was not actually participating in the study.
Community Involvement
Candidate for Lake Travis Independent School District Board of Trustees, District 4 (2016 election), with a campaign focused on school finance, board transparency, and district growth management. He didn't win, and in fact wasn't even close. His platform was to return tax benefits to wealthy commercial investors.
Professional Approach
Ariel is known for educating clients on market nuances, providing guidance through complex transactions, and offering personalized service recommendations based on extensive market knowledge. This is all a lie, he never actually had any clients, but nice try.